All I Had

Before the clock strikes 12, a brief throwback for Thursday seems fitting. It is also one of those things a lot of newer friends seem to not know about me – not because I hide it but because it isn’t so much in the forefront of my life anymore… During one of my installments in England I recorded an EP. We did some recording in my house – a converted barn in the middle of a farm, fields of rapeseed blooming on one side and meandering herds of sheep on the other – and the producer’s home studio. I worked with some top names with top connections and my luck wasn’t lost on me. I was, however, younger than I thought I was. My business acumen was also not particularly fine tuned, so I look back now on the idea that I probably wasted a few stellar opportunities. Granted, I believe I’d have been discontent in the lack of intellectual stimulation even if my more creative artistic side had been fully tapped into.

Still, I pursued music in Nashville for several years and more recordings came out of my time there, and again when I relocated back to Los Angeles. In 2007, I released a 6 track EP which included one of my songs I often think of or refer to when I contemplate mind, brain, and brilliance – and the comparison of flowing inspiration versus hard work and craft. I don’t mean to say that boastfully because I think I’m brilliant. In fact, being stereotypical in the artistic sense, I often think I’m total crap. I listen back and can hear each individual note that I missed by the slightest of inflections that I doubt any other listener would catch. But there you have it. This particular song was something that came out of loss, depression, love, and a whole mixture of  emotions that spewed out rather simply in about 15 minutes in a cramped little writers room. (You can catch a short preview of it from one of the sites the album can be purchased through here.)

I never even knew you
Well enough to lose you
But here I am without

Doubting what I know
Wishing there were more to me
Than this empty soul

I gave all I had
I gave all I had

I thought it’d be okay
Giving in to make you stay
But I was not enough

I misplaced my trust
And now my heart is broken
Broken and bankrupt

And I gave all I had
I gave all I had
I don’t know how to get it back from you
I don’t know how to

Somewhere there’s a light shining
A bright silver lining
But I can’t see it yet

I don’t know what to do
I just can’t forgive you
And I can’t forget

‘Cause I gave all I had
I gave all I had
And I can’t get it back
No I can’t get it back

I gave all I had
I gave all I had

I never even knew you
Well enough to lose you
But here I am without

©2004 Jade Horse Publishing (ASCAP) All rights reserved.

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